Well, it’s Sunday and my term paper…I mean story-a-week is due and like my in my college days I’m begging for an extension. I’m sorry. I really, really didn’t want to do this to you guys on my very first week. I DO want to tell you a little bit about how it went though and I DID do some writing.
I immediately started feeling the pressure of the story-a-week assignment as soon as I blogged about it roughly a week ago. So what did I do? I procrastinated. It took a couple of days to come up with an idea in spare moments between activities meant to distract me. Then I didn’t start brainstorming for two more days. Then I didn’t actually start the writing until yesterday (Saturday). I didn’t get far. Tonight I really intended to just push right through till the end no matter what. I actually did very well. I’ve got 700 words or so right now. That brings up another issue I ran into. I didn’t intend to write the first chapter of a short novel for the young teen to adult market, but that’s where the idea took me. So for your reading enjoyment I wanted some semblance of closure to this beginning of a tale, so I am NOT going to post what I have written tonight. I will post it tomorrow. Then I will move on to the next story much sooner in the week.
Part of the problem is that for this project is that I have to create a whole new way of life for myself. Though I’ve always considered writing my passion and calling, to date I probably average ten to twenty days of the year spent doing any kind of writing. I always enjoy myself, but then I clam up and move away from it. The longer this has gone on, the more powerful has become the dread that I feel when I sit down to write. This I find very sad. The time to make a change has come. Various factors impel me to make this change NOW. I don’t want to start after my kids have grown. I want to write for them. I want them to see their father chasing after his dreams and ambitions. I DO NOT want them to inherit my fear of failure. I’ve always known that to show/teach anyone anything, you had better be living your own advice or it won’t mean anything.
To me I’ve said that having kids has been a saving grace and here’s the simple reason: I’m not living for myself anymore. I never REALLY was (no person is an island), but it’s something you can’t ignore when you have children. I want more than anything to build them up and give them all the support and love they need to realize their passions and potential. I realized with much trepidation, but also with firm resolve that these lessons in love begin with me. I need to be loved and accept love and love myself and trust my own art to move forward. I need it, and so do my wife and children. My neighbors need it. My friends need it. I need to be healed of these fears so that I can become accessible to others.
And so I WILL be continuing with this project and bouncing back from my first missed deadline. I appreciate your grace in the matter and I hope that you’ll have patience about not getting to read my first work (especially Marysia). And pray for me if you’re of the mind and spirit to do so. I could certainly use it as I launch out into these dark waters. Thanks for reading a bit more about what this project means to me and stay tuned!!
By the way, I don’t intend to post every story that I write. I am a little afraid to put them on the blog where they are public. So I think I will simply blog about the writing experience more and create an email group of people that are interested in reading them. Anyone I know even a little bit I trust and am not worried about, so if you want to read my stories, reply to my blog with your email address, shoot me a facebook message, or email me. I don’t foresee denying anyone; I just don’t want the stories public after the first one.
“Heavenly Father, I pray for Michael today. I pray that You will give him the courage, strength and determination to continue with his project. I pray that he will draw nearer You. I pray that Your will be done in his life. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.”