It is the time of year for New Year’s resolutions. Perhaps you’ve already determined what yours will be. Perhaps you’ve abandoned the idea of a New Year’s resolution after scanning the statistics on how many of them actually take hold…maybe you don’t need a stat sheet to tell you as much. We’ve probably all had resolutions that have failed. I certainly have. In fact I might even go so far as to call this “Advice from a Chronic Failer.” Right now my word processor has red squiggly lines of irritation underneath the word ‘failer’ (sorry computer, I’m doing it to you again), but there’s a point to my invention of a new word other than the stick it to my electronics (though they often deserve it).
The only alternative word our language allows here is “failure.” What floods into your mind when you read that word? There’s a note of finality there isn’t there? Missed opportunities, lost relationships, challenges too great for us, humiliation: all of these things come to mind for me. In my darkest of moods I’m tempted to stamp this word upon myself. Most days, however, I assign it outside myself to certain endeavors. Why do we do this?
We do this when we’ve lost hope in something. Sometimes it’s a good thing. When we realize that our pace of life is unsustainable for instance, or when we realize that working more hours to afford more is not equating to more contentment. But that’s not the kind of giving up I’m addressing in this blog. I’m talking about when we give up on things that we know are good for us and accept a muted/dulled version of the life we’ve always wanted.
At what point do we do this? After missing four exercise sessions due to cold/flu? After gaining back the five pounds you’ve lost over a month in just a week at the in-laws? After trying so hard to get to work on time consistently, only to be stuck behind a stopped train? I have found it’s usually something outside my control, or at least a temporary change in schedule that derails my best efforts at incorporating good lifestyle habits. These things happen and will continue to happen. They are a part of life. So is failure. Excuse me: failings. I am bound to get tripped up at some point or another. Most people agree that “nobody’s perfect” and yet many of us (including myself) attempt to be.
This year, have a little grace for yourself as you make your resolutions. Realize that you’re going to fail sometimes, but don’t give up. Practice the art of “getting back on the horse,” rather than the curse of condemnation. Don’t try to “whip yourself into shape” and don’t label the project a failure because you slip a bit. We all do. We’re chronic failers. That much we may not be able to change, but don’t let anyone (yourself included) write you off as a failure. As long as you draw breath, it’s simply not true.
